JOKES

1. Women are unpredictable.

Before marriage, she expects a man,

after marriage she suspects him,

and after death she respects him.

———————-

2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much

They got married - and now he is going thru hell.

———————-

3. A man inserted an `ad' in the classifieds :

"Wife wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing :

"You can have mine."

———————-

4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure

of one thing:

either the car is new or the wife.

———————-

5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not.

Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.

———————-

6. A man received a letter

from some Kidnappers. The letter said, " if you don't promised to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife."

The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."

———————-

7. What's the matter,

you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife."

"What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days."

"But that ought to make you happy."

"It did, but today is the last day."

———————-

8.WOMAN

When she is 18 - She is a football, 22 men going after her.

When she is 28 - She is a hockey ball, 8 men going after her.

When she is 38 - She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on her.

When she is 48 - She is a pingpong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.

———————-

9.MAN

At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.

At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.

At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.

At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year.

At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap.

———————-

10.Marriage Humour

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.

Then God created man and rested.

Then God created woman.

Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

———————-

LIFEBOOK 2010

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants (factory).

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

5. Make Time for Prayers.

6. Play more games.

7. Read more books than you did in 2009.

8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day & meditate/pray.

9. Sleep for 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day -- and while you walk, SMILE !!

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13. Don't overdo; keep your limits.

14. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does.

15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake.

17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..

18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23. Smile and Laugh more often.

24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:

25.. Call your family often.

26. Each day give something good to others.

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 7.

29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30. What other people think of you is none of your business.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right things.

33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34. God heals everything.

35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

36. No matter how you feel; Get up, Dress up and Show up!

37. The best is yet to come.

38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

39. Your inner most is always happy, So be Happy!

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MUMBAI- REVIEW

Can’t remember the last time I saw an underworld thriller having so little violence and yet such simmering, understated intensity that it was hard to take the eyes off the screen to admire other things in theatre. Three gunshots. Yes, three gunshots and some tight slaps and fisticuffs is all Once Upon A Time In Mumbaai has in the name of violence. There’s no cops n’ gangsters shootout, no flashy pyrotechnics, no nail-nibbling chases, no bloodbath and hardly any inter gang rivalry. Nothing of the sort we are used to seeing in crime capers by the self appointed gurus of the genre. Once Upon A Time gives us a glimpse into Mumbai’s underbelly like we’ve never witnessed on the silver screen before.

There is a scene where Sultan Mirza, the all-white-clad smuggler played by Ajay Devgan, is in a fix. He’s taken on a smuggling assignment but can’t pull it through because the doggedly determined ACP Agnel Wilson (Randeep Hooda) has put up check posts at every crossing. Sitting in his lair, Sultan is surrounded by a bunch of lackeys, including the new recruit Shoaib (Emraan Hashmi), the insolent, overambitious, unscrupulous wannabe who hopes to step into the don’s shoes one day. Suggestions fly thick and fast. But Sultan silently puffs on his ciggy. He hears everyone out quietly, inhales and exhales smoke. His eyes flit from one crony to the next, and rest on Shoaib. The young wannabe steps up and takes the job. Sultan’s penetrative glance weighs him. You expect a punchy dialogue from Sultan, but none comes. What flashes rather is a slight grin on the don’s face. No word is spoken, yet all is said.

It’s these little masterstrokes that make Once Upon A Time In Mumbaai a film worth experiencing once at least. And the credit goes as much to actors as to the director Milan Luthria who takes us back to the 1970s, the era of bell-bottoms and sideburns when revolvers were a rarity and automatic pistols a thing of the future. It’s in this decade that an orphan rises from ruins to become the uncommon crime lord of Mumbai, who believes in making friends than enemies, and is an urban Robinhood to the city’s poor. But his rise and reform is halted by a hot-headed upstart.

Storywriter Rajat Aroraa’s protagonist is as human as one gets. Sultan is the smuggler with a conscience that considers the poor and a heart that throbs for an actress (Kangana Ranaut) whom he woos with a guava and wins over after a bit of persuasion. And there’s the anti-hero Shoaib (Emraan) who hasn’t as much as a scruple in his overconfident, calculative and sly head. Even his love for Mumtaz (Prachi Desai) isn’t without manipulations.

These characters, however well etched, wouldn’t have worked if not for stellar performances by the duo of Ajay Devgan and Emraan Hashmi. Arguably, this is Devgan’s best till date. His silences, his seething expressions, piercing gazes, reflective musings lend tons of gravitas to Sultan Mirza. Pitched opposite him, Emraan Hashmi holds his place well with a finely nuanced performance. The best bit about Hashmi’s Shoaib is the insolence that the actor brings out in the character. Kangana Ranaut and Prachi Desai deliver well from the sidelines, while Randeep Hooda, as the narrator of the piece, shines with a confident act.

Kudos to Milan Luthria for putting together a film that’s farm fresh despite its underworld theme that’s been dead and mummified. The direction is pretty tight, but how one wishes the dialogues had been less expository. A lot of times in the film, the characters speak a language that’s hardly conversational and more of Salim-Javed genre. Perhaps an ode to the two greats! Music isn’t great shakes either, but what wins your heart is the lilting leitmotif that keeps warbling in the background throughout the running time of the movie.

Once Upon A Time is indeed worth your time and money. It’s a film from which even the likes of Ram Gopal Varma can learn a thing or two.

AAISHA

The thing about shallow people from the beau monde is that they shouldn't be played shallowly when brought to the screen.

Sonam Kapoor in a 'tailor'-made role (where more moolah seems to have been spent on tailoring her chic outfits than on exploring the locations, sound sights scents and, yes, sense of this embarrassing world of excessive self-preening) gets the Jane Austen character right. Quite a leap for the actress.

When she had played the confused lover-girl in Saawariya, Sonam had imposed her own natural-born confusions on the character - rendering it shaky and disembodied.

In Aisha, Sonam is far more in control of her character's misguided emotional compulsions. The fact that the young actress knows this label-centric designer world of chic shenanigans so well, helps Sonam master and contour her character's art of self-deception in a way the original author of the character would have approved.

Sonam's world harks back to Jane Austen's giddy-headed British gentry class where match-making was not an idle chatter. It was religion. When placed in the neo-rich spiced-up politically-charged atmosphere of Delhi, Jane Austen's characters seem to come alive in unexpected spurts of sassy splendour and unbridled joie de vivre. You can't help laugh at these young, often-aimless, people's self-importance.

Aisha is a two-hour celebration of pre-nuptial rituals. Though no one says it, every girl in the film wants only one thing. And it isn't necessarily love, but somewhere close. The bristle and bustle of Delhi comes alive through the slender intellectual faculties of the protagonists.

Let's not forget that Jane Austen had applied great intellectual strength to her frail and shallow people. Aisha converts Austen's world into a frail feisty frolicsome fashion fiesta shot with an empowering affection for the natural light that bathes these somewhat affected people.

The cinematography by Diego Rodriguez and especially the songs and background music by Amit Trivedi create a multi-hued skyline in this saga of sophomore socialites, their loves, lovers and love tattle.

Debutante director Rajshree Ojha gets into this world of titillating trivia and designer dreams with a wink and smile that goes a long way in building a showcase around these metropolitan mannequins on a single-minded match-making prowl.

The casting is as dead-on as it can get. While the guys Abhay Deol, Cyrus Sahukar and Arunoday Singh play the Brain, Nerd and Hunk with absolute relish, it's the girls who keep you chuckling and tch-tch-ing.

Neha Dubey and debutante Amrita Puri put in pitch-perfect performances as sahelis bullied into alliances that seem manipulated on earth rather than arranged in heaven. They have a bright future ahead, single or not.

But the film belongs to Sonam Kapoor, make no mistake of that. She makes the best of a rather rare opportunity for an Indian leading lady to be part of a Bollywood film that salutes Victorian mores and Delhi's elitist affectations in one clean cool sweep.

Engaging and endearing - Aisha makes you wonder if there's anything more important in the world than finding the right match.

Maybe finding the right movie about finding the right match?

Read more at: http://movies.ndtv.com/movie_Review.aspx?id=538&cp

Tips for Weight Loss

Power Diet For Quick Weight Loss

In this fast moving life we do not get much time to spare for physical exercise so in such a situation a healthy and nutritious diet can solve the purpose.

Early Morning

Start your day with lemon juice and honey in lukewarm water; this helps your body to get rid of harmful acids produced by the body.

Breakfast

Choose any one or two from the following options

Egg white omelet (2) + 2 slices of brown bread,

Milk (Skimmed Milk) +Cornflakes/ Oats /Wheat bran

Fruit salad / Sprouts.

Vegetable Poha / Upma

Skimmed milk cottage cheese + Brown Bread

Pre Lunch

Take black coffee before the afternoon meal this helps in boosting metabolism.

Lunch

Boiled / Roasted Chicken/ Soyabean (200 grams) +Brown Rice (1/2 plate) / Chapatti (1)

Boiled Dal +salad + Brown Rice (1/2 plate) / Chapatti (1-2)

Take Probiotic curd (100grams) as it helps in digestion.

Vegetable Daliya

Evening

Take some citrus fruits to satisfy the hunger pangs in the evening,

Green tea with two Marie Lite biscuit

Boiled Channa

Dinner

Choose any one or two from the following options

Boiled Soybean Nutrela/ soup + salad,

Boiled Egg White (3) + Vegetable clear soup

Chicken or Tuna salad.

Boiled Dal

Vegetable Daliya

Pre Bed –time

150 -200 ml of skimmed milk.

Beside the above diet keep in mind the following points-

• Avoid heavy dinner; maintain at least 3 to 4 hours of gap between meal and sleep.

• Replace cold drinks with coconut water, vegetable soup or butter milk

• Drink at least 2 to 3 liters of water everyday

• Fibre is excellent for weight loss , so consume more of raw vegetables and fruits

• All carbs are not bad; avoid simple carbs like sugar, sweet and processed food.

• Never skip meals.

• Avoid Bakery products.

• Replace Chicken Tikka with Chicken Salami

• Avoid taking water along with the meal.

.

Follow the above mentioned points for 6 days in a week and once in a week please your taste buds with one meal of your choice but don’t forget only one. Try to take out some time for physical exercises at least thrice a week

Pursue the above mentioned rules and fit in your old clothes again but don’t forget the results may vary from person to person and don’t try to bully your body.

NOTE : Please consult your DOCTOR before doing anything..

Film Review- RAJNEETI

Overall Rating

Film: Rajneeti Director: Prakash Jha Cast: Nana Patekar, Manoj Bajpai, Ranbir Kapoor, Ajay Devgan, Katrina Kaif Rating:*** The Pratap family, sitting on a political throne in Central India, is on the verge of a thumping victory when its veteran leader collapses with a paralytic stroke. As he battles for life in the hospital, his two heirs, his son Veerendra Pratap (Manoj Bajpayee) and his nephew Prithvi Pratap (Arjun Rampal) vie to take his place. When Prithvi is appointed leader and chief ministerial candidate, a bitter Veerendra finds an ally in backward class leader Sooraj (Ajay Devgan), who wants a place for his people on the political map. Together, they attack the backbone of Prithvi’s family, and as assassins’ bullets fly, they plot to put Prithvi behind bars and out of the political game. Prithvi’s foreign-returned younger brother, Samar (Ranbir Kapoor), must leave behind an American girlfriend and his phd in European poetry, to take control of his family. Under the mentorship of his father’s closest confidante, Brij Gopal (Nana Patekar), Samar takes charge of affairs and with a cold bloodied calm, fights this battle to its finish. Like a frenetic game of chess, the power balance shifts with every move in this political saga. Even though it takes obvious inspiration from the Mahabharata and Francis Ford Copolla’s The Godfather, Rajneeti comes through as an original piece of writing. Though, not without its flaws. The canvas is gigantic and the pictures that Prakash Jha paint are jaw dropping. His images are stark and bear resemblance to dramatic poltical news-reels from India's modern history. Het puts into perpective the use of the media to stage out unparliamentry games, and the abuse of backward classes for votes. And somewhat like Gulzar did in Aandhi (1975), Jha dares to take us into the homes of dynastic politics. Cameraman Sachin Kumar Krishnan spectacularly lenses the political rallies thronged by thousands of poor voters. Yet, Anjum Rajabali & Prakash Jha’s screenplay has several peculiarities that might not be palatable, especially in its second half. There are too many assassinations where all the victims are lured to their death in the same way. Also, the battle between the split family becomes one sided, leaving the opposition with no trump cards to unfold. There is even an incomplete item song, that makes you wonder if the projectionist made a mistake and put on a reel from some silly Bollywood film. While ‘Rajneeti’ gets its politics spot on, it gets its emotions a little messed up. It is hard to feel for most of the characters as they all seem uni-dimensional. Yes, we understand that absolute power corrupts, but how can an audience feel for characters that themselves don’t feel at all? Arjun Rampal, whose character seems inspired by the hot-headed Sonny Corleone from Godfather, shouts to portray his hot headedness. His craft is exposed by weak body language. His hands are mostly in his pocket and some powerful dialogue is wasted on his poor oration. Ajay Devgan plays Sooraj, who bears a strong resemblance to Karna from Mahabharata and must make the ultimate sacrifice for his family. Devgan plays the character effectively, but doesnt go beyond what he has already played. Katrina Kaif’s beautiful face appears frozen in crucial scenes. She doesn’t rise up to a well-mounted character that must sacrifice true love for the sake of ambition. She looks stunning when she dons the rich khadi sari and is compelled to take the podium at a rally. The drama beautifully builds when she waves to the crowds, dwarfed by massive cut outs of herself. Sadly, her speech is not awe-inspiring. Ranbir Kapoor, with a character modeled on Micheal Corleone, puts in a sharp and restrained performance, but suffers from flaws in his written character. Even though he says at some point that he was forced to enter politics, no-where in his set-up does that come across. In fact, he offers cold bloodied suggestions to his family even before the shit hits the fan. His love story with Sarah (Sarah Thomson Kane), his American girlfriend and his relationship with Indu (Katrina Kaif) the girl that loves him, evoke no feeling. Yet, aided with effective dialogue delivery and good body language, Kapoor’s performance as the manupilative young ‘king-maker’ is noteworthy. Thank god for actors like Nana Patekar & Manoj Bajpai. These are performers who know their craft and don’t allow the directors vision to crumble. Nana Patekar, like Krishna from Mahabharata, silently watches from the wings and gives calculated cues to his warriors. His reactions are superb, and without much dialogue, he conveys more than his many of his younger counterparts do. Manoj Bajpai is sharp. This film offers him another chance to perform to his awesome potential, and he holds it perfectly right to the end. Even though his character is similar to Rampal’s angry & bratty Prithvi, Bajpai is extremely convincing and breathes life into Veerendra Pratap. Prakash Jha deftly handles his technical crew. The cinematography is superlative as is Shyam Kaushal’s nail biting action sequences. Wayne Sharpe’s background score is excellent and the Rajneeti theme is haunting and dramatic. Rajneeti packs in some racy drama and keeps you glued to your seat right to the end. Watch the film as a definitive reflection of our times and forgive its casting director for not choosing more experienced actors.

Price for petrol

What is More Costly in INDIA,

Petrol, Coffee, After shave lotion, Printer ink???????????????????????????????

surely, your answer will be

PETROL

Scroll down and check the fact

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

'''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

''

Diesel (regular) in Mumbai: Rs. 36.08 per litre

Petrol (regular unleaded) in Mumbai: Rs. 50.51 per litre

Coca Cola 330 ml can: Rs. 20 = Rs. 61 per litre

Dettol antiseptic 100 ml Rs. 20 = Rs. 200 per litre

Radiator coolant 500 ml Rs. 160 = Rs. 320 per litre

Pantene conditioner 400 ml Rs. 165 = Rs. 413 per litre

Medicinal mouthwash like Listerine 100 ml Rs. 45 = Rs. 450 per litre

Red Bull 150 ml can: Rs. 75 = Rs. 500 per litre

Corex cough syrup 100 ml Rs. 57 = Rs. 570 per litre

Evian water 500 ml Rs. 330 = Rs.. 660 per litre

Rs.. 500 for a litre of WATER???!!! And the buyers don't even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Kores white-out 15 ml Rs. 15 = Rs. 1000 per litre

Cup of coffee at any decent business hotel 150 ml Rs. 175 = Rs. 1167 per litre

Old Spice after shave lotion 100 ml Rs. 175 = Rs.. 1750 per litre

Pure almond oil 25 ml Rs. 68 = Rs. 2720 per litre

And this is the REAL KICKER...

HP DeskJet colour ink cartridge 21 ml Rs.1900 = Rs. 90476 per litre!!!

Now you know why computer printers are so cheap? So they have you hooked for the ink!

So, the next time you're at the pump, don't curse on country just be glad your Bike / car doesn't run on cough syrup, after shave, coffee, or God forbid, printer ink!

NOW THIS SHOULD BE CALLED .. FUEL FOR THOUGHT !!!